Below is a testimony from a treasured member of our Redeemer family, we hope their story inspires you, encourages you, and leads you to both glorify God for all he has done and expect him to do amazing things in your life.
As I write this, I am now 115 days free!
I’ve had a very long-standing struggle with porn and masturbation (about 17 years). I was first exposed in my very early teens. In my later years, I became very impulsive and started to act on my sexual urges to just get a ‘high’. I started to watch more hardcore stuff of all genres to get my fix. It became very habitual - I was just doing it for the sake of it. There was no longer a trigger. It became very ingrown into my daily routine. I was broken.
There was only so much I could do to safeguard myself (i.e., with internet blockers) but I felt I really needed to dig deep and figure out the root cause. After prayer and reflection, it was an identity issue rooted into my masculinity because of some past experiences (i.e., being bullied, assaulted, mugged). I felt weak and inferior, and I wanted to feel ‘manly’, and porn was filling that void in my heart. I was getting attention and social affirmation with those I engaged with online, but it was just a short-term fix and in fact it was eating away at my masculinity and sexuality.
Finding My Identity
Over the last few months, I have drawn closer to my Father in Heaven and have started affirming my identity in Him! I am known by God. He has a plan for me. He hears my voice. He loves me. There is truth in the Holy Spirit! I consider myself dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11). He loves us despite our imperfections, and I am beyond grateful he does! God is with us, wherever we wonder. We get caught up in our sin and have moments where our hearts are heavy, mistakes take over and feeling so far away from God. God sees all that, he sees our brokenness, our guilt, our mess, and he loves us anyway!
We can certainly find strength and hope knowing that he will always be with us and will help us through it. If we have gone through life trusting in our own judgement, we may find it harder to submit to God and his plan for us. If we refuse to see God’s hand and direction in our lives, we may never know just how good he can be to us.
Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Psalm 34:8
Honest Accountability
On a practical level, accountability has been so important because it removes the element of isolation. In Christ we are part of a family and a body. We know that challenges will come (John 16:33) and having accountability helps us to press ahead and to continue to live for Christ. An accountability partner can pray with and for us, teach us, rebuke us, rejoice with us, weep with us, and encourage us. I was not alone in this battle.
A turning point for me was being completely open, honest, and vulnerable about the extent of my struggles with my accountability partners and my parents. The pathway to healing is in forgiveness that begins with confession and repentance, which means to turn away from sin and think differently about it. The enemy can only tempt you with something you desire. If you want to be free from the power of sin, you must hate sin the way God hates it. Jesus loves you and has paid a great price for you to live in freedom. If you are struggling with addiction, there is hope. You can find freedom because Jesus has not only freed you from the penalty of sin. He has also freed you from its power. I feel I have shifted my mindset from natural sexual desire to holy pleasures. I have not suppressed these desires, but I have prioritised God over them.
Hope for the Future
To anyone who is struggling with any form of addiction, you all have a God-driven future; God has great plans for you and there is absolutely hope for breakthrough. You are all loved - remember that. We all fall short but saved by his grace. He's always there, he has never left us. Just waiting with his arms wide open ready to embrace us. We can be confident and secure when we’re immersed in intimacy with God. As you break free from this stronghold, you are paving the way for victory!
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testing’s we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:15–16
